THE LAWS OF LIFE

Law of Mechanical Repair
After your hands become coated with
grease, your nose will begin to itch or you'll have to pee.

Law of the Workshop
Any tool, when dropped, will roll
to the least accessible corner.

Law of Probability
The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

Law of the Telephone
If you dial a wrong number, you
never get a busy signal.

Law of the Alibi
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a
flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

Variation Law
If you change lines (or traffic lanes) the one
you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

Law of the Bath
When the body is fully
immersed in water, the telephone rings.

Law of Close Encounters
The probability of meeting someone
you know increases dramatically when you are with someone with whom you don't
want to be seen.

Law of the Result
Law of Biomechanics
The severity of the itch is
inversely proportional to the reach.

Law of the Theater
At any event, the people whose
seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.

Law of Coffee
As soon as you sit down to a cup of
hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

Murphy's Law of Lockers
If there are only two people in a
locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

Law of Rugs/Carpets
The chances of an open-faced jelly
sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the
newness and cost of the carpet/rug.

Law of Location
No matter where you go, there you are.

Law of Logical Argument
Anything is possible if you don't
know what you are talking about.

Brown's Law
If the shoe fits, it's ugly.

Oliver's Law
A closed mouth gathers no feet.

Wilson's Law
As soon as
you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it. (This one is true every time!)

Doctors' Law
If you don't feel well, make an appointment to
go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better. Don't make an
appointment and you'll stay sick. (This one is also true every time.)